I woke up today 2 hours later than planned and started my day as usual by making my weapons-grade strength flagon of Tesco Value coffee.
I put the hot water and milk in and then I stared at it for fully 20 seconds before realising what was missing.
Such is the level of my brain function this week. I’m assuming its not early onset dementia. I’m a little older than the other Fork-Girls but I’m not that old, thank you.
I seem to have slipped without realising into one of the slumps. Those abysses of nothing-ness I’m sure everyone recognises, when you don’t have any auditions or any little jobs on the horizon. And the fear that nothing will ever turn up again.
It’s not as if I haven’t been there before. My fellow graduates, and I’m sure all of you, will all have been through that terrible void that no one quite prepares you for when you leave the safe cocoon of Drama School and find you really are on your own and no one wants to hire you.
Then suddenly you get one little job, you’re reminded why you live like you do and finally you have something to say when faced with the dreaded question.. “So what have you been doing lately?”
It’s amazing, though, how quickly you forget how that feels. You work your day job, which in my case is a night job in a bar. You start to get seduced by that feeling of cool green money between your fingers and food in your fridge. So you work more and more nights and before you know it you’re sleeping through the day and staring at a mug wondering why it looks odd.
It’s so easy to slip into self-indulgence and self-pity. I’m certainly not the only one. Every actor has it, it's part of the job. So how do you get out?
Frothy Mocha x